LOCAL MAN’S ESTATE PLAN CONSISTS ENTIRELY OF “THEY KNOW WHAT I WANT”
Family members confirm they do not, in fact, know what he wants.
Uncertain, TX — Area resident Mark Ellison, 58, confirmed this week that his estate plan is “basically handled,” citing a long-standing understanding that his family “knows what to do.”
Sources close to the situation—including his actual family—have confirmed that they do not.
“I’ve said it a hundred times,” Ellison reportedly told friends.
“If anything happens to me, they know what I want.”
When pressed for specifics, Ellison clarified:
“You know… the usual.”
THE DOCUMENT DISCOVERY PHASE
In a related development, family members have begun searching for “important paperwork,” focusing primarily on:
A kitchen drawer containing expired coupons, takeout menus, and one mysterious key
A filing cabinet labeled “Taxes?” (contents: unclear, confidence: low)
A safe deposit box no one has access to, including the bank
A password-protected laptop last updated sometime during the Obama administration
A spiral notebook with the words “IMPORTANT STUFF” written in sharpie
Investigators describe progress as “ongoing but not promising.”
FAMILY RESPONSE
Family members were quick to express confidence in their collective ability to “figure it out,” while also acknowledging several minor uncertainties, including:
Who is actually in charge
What assets exist (if any)
Where those assets are located
Whether there are debts
Whether “the usual” includes the lake house, the dog, or both
“We’ll just talk it through,” said one relative, already entering what experts describe as Phase One: Polite Disagreement.
Phase Two, sources confirm, typically involves spreadsheets.
Phase Three involves lawyers.
FACTS & FIGURES
67% — Americans with no estate or incapacity plan
$3+ BILLION — Estimated assets under guardianship in Texas (often avoidable)
∞ — Number of interpretations of “they know what I want”
0 — Number of families who agree on what that phrase means
EXPERT REACTIONS
Estate planning professionals note that “They know what I want” is one of the most widely used—and least effective—planning strategies currently in circulation.
“It ranks just below ‘We’ll figure it out’ and just above ‘I thought you handled that,’” said one attorney.
Experts further confirm that, in the absence of written instructions:
authority becomes unclear
decisions become emotional
timelines become… flexible
and perfectly good families find themselves having very bad conversations
FOUND DOCUMENTS (UNCONFIRMED)
A cocktail napkin reading: “Give everything to family. Love you guys.”
A sticky note: “Call Craig???”
A beneficiary designation from 2004 listing someone no longer invited to Thanksgiving
A file labeled “Estate Plan” containing a blank legal form and a warranty for a lawn mower
THE REAL TAKEAWAY
Plans based on assumptions tend to work perfectly—right up until they’re needed.
Because when something actually happens, families don’t need:
guesses
interpretations
or a three-hour group text thread debating “what he would have wanted”
They need:
clarity
authority
and a plan that works without requiring consensus
As one family member reportedly concluded midway through a fourth cup of coffee:
“At this point, I’d settle for bullet points.”
PRO TIP
If your plan currently lives in your head…
…it doesn’t exist.
EDITOR’S NOTE
Most people don’t avoid planning because they don’t care.
They avoid it because they trust the people around them to figure it out.
And sometimes, they can.
But when they can’t, the cost isn’t just financial—it’s emotional, relational, and entirely avoidable.
A good plan doesn’t guess.
It works.
Pull up a chair. Better yet… Call Me, let’s make your legacy a little less hypothetical.